That said, because this is NaNoFinMo for me, more or less, because I have decided to be a NaNo Rebel, my word count is actually more than 50K in the document. That is more than halfway through a planned 80K draft. Which is good. Marvelous in fact. I am exactly where I need to be in so many ways — but clearly I need to spend the next 48 hours or so playing a serious game of catch up not only in the novel (I need to hit 26,667 by tonight theoretically) but also around the house. This weekend was filled with marvelous things — friends visiting from out of town! Gatherings and happenings hosted at our house! Meeting the incomparably awesome Stephanie Perkins! — but one thing I didn’t accomplish over the last few days was maintaining pace. I knew I’d fall short and I have, and I need to make up the difference. My brain melts at the thought.

But things aren’t bad, don’t get me wrong. I’m still very optimistic that the goal I set for myself will still be met. Working consistently has been key for me, as has forcing myself to be cautious about the words I use. I am not employing any of the standby NaNo tricks — extending a scene for no purpose; relying on excessive banter or funny dialogue with no purpose; dwelling on moments best glossed over or avoided through well-used scene jumps — and yes I know this is costing me time and effort but even if I “lose” NaNo and come in short of my personal goal of 50K new words, I will know that the words I am using are all good, solid words, and to me that’s the most important part. NaNo’s enthusiasm and community is helping me set and maintain a consistent output but because I am half a full time writer and I have the time and ability to put hours and hours toward this task every day, I am not letting myself squander that time with unworthy words. I am following my outline and I am absolutely in love with my characters, this world, and their story. I couldn’t ask for a better project to be tackling this month and I’m glad I didn’t put this aside and start something crazy or fresh for NaNo; I’d've missed this world too much.

Though this NaNoWriMo is turning out to be very productive and positive, it’s no less exhausting than previous NaNos; in fact I’d say it’s the hardest mentally (I’ve spent hours bashing my head on the keyboard getting a single sentence right) while the easiest physically (the dishes are done, even if the laundry isn’t folded, and I’m well fed). I miss the literary abandon of 2008′s crazy ride — when I had no idea where I was going or what scene I would write next — and I also miss 2009′s cool surety of steady (unbelievable) progress. But 2010′s NaNo, even if it doesn’t end in a completed book, will end with me very close to the end, and hopefully in December I will be able to finish it, tear it apart (gently) and build it up again, and give it over to some folks with fresh eyes. I am nothing if not exhaustingly optimistic!

This year I’m finishing my work in progress which as of 11:30 last night stood at a perfectly even 30,000 words. (So terrifically convenient for updating word count on the website; so whatever word count you see on the widget to the right? Add 30K and that’s the ms’s total.) This is a hardcore rewrite of an old project, which means 100% of the words are new, 50% of the plot and events are new, and about 5% of the characters’ traits and personalities and attributes are new. I know these character so well. I’ve known them longer than I’ve known some people in real life! But in between the day job and other distractions, I’ve been stuck under 30K on it for a while now. In September I vowed if I didn’t have this novel mostly done by November 1st I would spend NaNoWriMo finishing the darned thing. And that’s what I’m going to do. This is NaNoFinMo for me, dang it, and I will write that last page before December 1st or my fingers will be bloody from trying. (I’m overdramatic. Shush.)

I asked the kind people of the NYC meet-up for NaNo I went to last week and they were unanimously agreed that (1) because writing is what I do all year long anyway, why the heck not take advantage of NaNo and use its community and motivators to help me finish this project? And (2) it’s not cheating, to them, if the words are new. I’m not copy-and-pasting, I am writing the words from scratch from a plot that has been pretty tightly outlined and characters I know well enough to know what they’d do in a dozen of strange scenarios my husband has posed for me (hypothetically). (“Would they think this joke is funny?” “A would, but B would think you were being rude, and C would completely ignore your existence for even trying.”) The kind folks at NaNo don’t recommend going in with a book you’ve already started because they don’t feel like it promotes the true kamikaze spirit of NaNo — but that’s exactly why I need to do NaNo. As much as I adore it, I’ve been dragging on this ms. It needs some kamikaze noveling to happen to it and what better time to do that kind of writing than during NaNo?

Anyway. I’ve written five — FIVE — words as of right this moment, but I’m not planning on sleeping until I get my 1,667 minimum for the day which will undoubtedly happen once I get home from the day job.

Onward!

This one is YA fantasy (shocker), with a lot of the elements of a swords-and-horses-and-princesses kind of fantasy, but with a couple of flip-the-genre-on-its-head unconventional twists of plot and character. (Yay for being vague!) At its heart, this is a story about mothers and daughters, fathers and sons; about questioning one’s role in one’s family and the larger world; of others’ expectations versus personal desires; of truth, deceptions, and consequences. (EVEN MORE VAGUE!) Is it better to break out of the shadow of your elders and try to be your own person, strike the consequences, or is it better to surpass your elders’ expectations of you in following the path they’ve set for you? I always find I write stories about finding one’s identity, about reconciling expectations: those of your parents, of others, and of yourself. Granted, it’s fantasy, so I’ve taken some, ahem, magical liberties shall I say, in the extrapolation of these circumstances. But like any interesting fantasy, this story resonates with me (as a writer especially) because it’s ultimately about the journeys of the characters as they try to come into their own, to prove they’re just about grown up — to everyone as well as to themselves.

Also, this story has nothing to do with “destiny” because I happen to think the “destiny” trope has been done [well and poorly] by others and I’ve no interest in exploring it. Besides, I happen to think “expectations” are a lot more annoying, harder to handle, and more interesting as a relatable concept to a reader in a non-fantastical context because we all have them, or others have them for us. Really: which is harder to live with, being destined to do great things, or being expected to do great things? The externality of the pressure of “destiny” is interesting, but it’s remote. Destiny implies a deity or other such remote being/concept with a “plan” (for one or for all), and that can get sticky — and epic. I heart epic, but this story is not epic. (And that’s another thing this all comes down to: what is right for this story.) Here I’d much rather stick to human beings and their relationships.

Like everything I write, it has no title, so I may refer to it here as a lot of things including “this story” and/or “the WiP.” I hate titling things until I must, then even afterward I squirm uncomfortably. (Even titling these blog posts feels odd, which is why so many of them seem like partial sentences or involve language reminiscent of I Can Has Cheezburger.)

Now, back to Scrivener and its loveliness!

(I did see Christmas decorations at Duane Reade, though, so I do suppose it’s also that time of year, but the NaNo time of year is far more important.)

This morning I am at 18,955 words. I sprinted through the first few days and now I am in the midst of a tough scene, which has me stalled. Must push through! Several factors have helped me with my word count thus far: the first is that I conceived this story in its current form in 2007 and haven’t had the excuse, chance, or energy to do more than outline it in all that time. I’m working off of an outline but I’ve also held scenes in all of their vivid, visual clarity in my head for far longer than I really ought to have. I have a strangely visual memory when it comes to imaginary things. (Like, when I recount the plot of a novel to someone, I actually imagine the strings of images my brain put together and rebuild the story from those images.) I’m a weird duck.

The next factor is I was diagnosed with a case of bronchitis last Friday, October 30th, so by the time midnight between October 31st and November 1st rolled around, I was at home coughing up a lung and bored. So I started writing. (Getting two thousand words before bed was… exhilarating.) I spent all of Sunday writing (my friend and I even attempted to squeeze in at the Manhattan Write-in but it was stuffed full of people, so we went to an adorable little tea shop instead with the laptops.) Monday I took off from work and sat around, hacking and writing in tandem. Tuesday I was in the midst of an incredible scene. Then another, then another. Thus… 18,955 words. I had told myself I’d hit 20,000 yesterday but the Yankees decided they were going to absolutely kill the Phillies and I was torn the whole time between writing and rooting for the Phillies — yes I am a New Yorker but sometimes it’s no fun to root for the winning team! — and so I sort of stalled. That and I found I was prematurely digging into the meat of the story that I really need to wait on, so I actually need to backtrack and rewrite a little, then resume the forward momentum. That can be the hardest part of NaNoWriMo for me: I write fastest and best when I write compelling, exciting, integral scenes, and while I try to always write that way, it doesn’t happen like that in a first draft. No matter how well I outline there are still boring little bits (to me) that I slog through. I’m also a perfectionist, so first drafts drive me a little crazy there, too. I hesitate over a sentence if it’s not, well, good enough. But NaNo at least gives me the freedom to say, “Yes, it’s not good enough, just keep going and get it all out!” There’s really literary abandon in that, and I love it.

It’s exciting times, November. Can’t wait to get back to it.