It is November 16 and I should theoretically have gone into today having written 25,000 words for the month so far. NaNo’s halfway point was yesterday. But as of now I am just shy of 22K, and my brain hurts. Some days it has hurt in a marvelously good way, others in a drained, exhausted kind of way. (Today it is the latter.)

That said, because this is NaNoFinMo for me, more or less, because I have decided to be a NaNo Rebel, my word count is actually more than 50K in the document. That is more than halfway through a planned 80K draft. Which is good. Marvelous in fact. I am exactly where I need to be in so many ways — but clearly I need to spend the next 48 hours or so playing a serious game of catch up not only in the novel (I need to hit 26,667 by tonight theoretically) but also around the house. This weekend was filled with marvelous things — friends visiting from out of town! Gatherings and happenings hosted at our house! Meeting the incomparably awesome Stephanie Perkins! — but one thing I didn’t accomplish over the last few days was maintaining pace. I knew I’d fall short and I have, and I need to make up the difference. My brain melts at the thought.

But things aren’t bad, don’t get me wrong. I’m still very optimistic that the goal I set for myself will still be met. Working consistently has been key for me, as has forcing myself to be cautious about the words I use. I am not employing any of the standby NaNo tricks — extending a scene for no purpose; relying on excessive banter or funny dialogue with no purpose; dwelling on moments best glossed over or avoided through well-used scene jumps — and yes I know this is costing me time and effort but even if I “lose” NaNo and come in short of my personal goal of 50K new words, I will know that the words I am using are all good, solid words, and to me that’s the most important part. NaNo’s enthusiasm and community is helping me set and maintain a consistent output but because I am half a full time writer and I have the time and ability to put hours and hours toward this task every day, I am not letting myself squander that time with unworthy words. I am following my outline and I am absolutely in love with my characters, this world, and their story. I couldn’t ask for a better project to be tackling this month and I’m glad I didn’t put this aside and start something crazy or fresh for NaNo; I’d've missed this world too much.

Though this NaNoWriMo is turning out to be very productive and positive, it’s no less exhausting than previous NaNos; in fact I’d say it’s the hardest mentally (I’ve spent hours bashing my head on the keyboard getting a single sentence right) while the easiest physically (the dishes are done, even if the laundry isn’t folded, and I’m well fed). I miss the literary abandon of 2008′s crazy ride — when I had no idea where I was going or what scene I would write next — and I also miss 2009′s cool surety of steady (unbelievable) progress. But 2010′s NaNo, even if it doesn’t end in a completed book, will end with me very close to the end, and hopefully in December I will be able to finish it, tear it apart (gently) and build it up again, and give it over to some folks with fresh eyes. I am nothing if not exhaustingly optimistic!