I realized the other day (wow, when I initially typed that I spelled it ‘realise’) that I rarely if ever talk about anything having to do with real life, except for the occasional paragraph. Well, here’s a whole entry. Yesterday Bryan and I watched the DVD of 27 Dresses and I felt compelled to blog about it and life associated with it. Firstly, the movie was adorable. Very cute, albeit predictable, but come on, it’s the classic romantic comedy; they follow a formula, though admittedly this was not as formulaic as it could have been. And James Marsden with the cute hair style! I’ve been dying to see him in wrinkled shirts with rumpled hair FOREVER (okay, since X-Men, the original, when he was all uppity and lazer-y as Cyclops). And the way he delivered his biting sarcasm put me so much in mind of Bryan.

The movie’s issue is weddings. Weddings, weddings, weddings. The institution of marriage is sort of a side point to that, because it’s the spectacle that’s the focus of the film. The odd thing about it all was that I could not personally identify with any character in the sense of the whole “enjoying weddings” or “planning a wedding” idea. I felt so disconnected. And I shouldn’t! I’m a bride-to-be for goodness’ sake. But I am either lazy or irritated or not excited about the whole spectacle of a lavish wedding enough to dread planning ours.

James Marsden’s character’s view, about the ridiculousness and materialness of the spectacle, is more or less what Bryan and I believe. We’re sort of exhausted by the mere idea of a “typical” wedding — the 100ish guests, the lavish flowers and the bridesmaid dresses… Neither of us can imagine us being in the midst of that. I’ve never really even imagined myself having that kind of wedding, either. Growing up I don’t recall ever having dreamed of my wedding day other than a vague, “I’ll have to ask the groom his opinion on that,” and a firm desire for yellow and peach roses. Oh, and no straplessness. (I hate the way I look in anything strapless.) Nothing more specific than that. The stereotypical bride has a whole color palette in mind, complete with invitations, band/music, decorations, and food/cake preferences. I really don’t, or at least not especially for a wedding. I suppose I’m just not hardwired for it the way a lot of women stereotypically seem to be. The idea of planning a wedding actually scares me. It daunts me, more precisely. I don’t like calling people and arranging things and well, spending tons and tons of money. (Google the cost of the average American wedding and cut it in half and that’s still ridiculous for what we want. We’d rather have a kick ass honeymoon.)

The other thing is Bryan and I are both impulsive and indecisive. What this means is that we suck at long-range planning — or, well, things that involve dates. And the setting of them. Absolutely, absolutely suck at it. So we’ve been engaged since May 2007 and we haven’t set a date, a large part of which is due to the fact that we can’t decide things. It’s not that we’re arguing — not at all — or that either of us has cold feet, it’s just that we talk around endlessly in circles about dates and ideas then get exhausted and let the topic drop, then pick it up again a few weeks later. Round and round and no productive discussion gets accomplished.

Things I care about? Saying the vows, partying afterward, and registering for a whole bunch of necessary newly-wed goodies. (I want a Kitchen-Aid Mixer something fierce.) Somewhere amidst all of that, I want my father to walk me down the aisle to give me away; I want people to stare at me in my pretty dress; I want photos taken of us gallivanting in formal wear. (We have only crappy ones of those, and the formal wear is crappy too — Bryan in an oversized sport coat, me in frumpy dress with a glazed look in my eye… yeah. Ugh.) Bryan wants something even simpler. He just wants to get it over with, and however we can get it over with will make him happy.

To us, there are two aspects of marriage: (1) The legal part. The tax deductions, the status changes that reflect in other aspects of life and legal matters, etc., and (2) the rite-of-passage ceremony and accompanying celebration. That celebration is, as I said, tied in with the rite-of-passage aspect and for that reason only do we consider it important. It’s not about tasty expensive pastry and dancing and stuff like that; it’s about acknowledging to the community at large that we’ve exchanged vows and then frankly having them help us start a life together. Because we’ve been living together since 2004 we have a huge part of that life established, but we need things for, well, being adults. Like real dinnerware and flatware that is ours. Like real wine, champagne, and cocktail glasses. Like the Kitchen-Aid Mixer that I am absolutely salivating over. Stuff like that. So that’s part of the party idea, too. I don’t consider that part of the commercialism of a wedding, I consider that part of the age-old tradition of celebrating a marriage by helping the new couple start a life together by providing the basics. Neither of us have tastes that run to crystal decanters or ridiculous candle holders… we just need an upgrade from our plastic Target cookware. You know?

Hopefully this stuff will magically get solved by next summer. Or sooner. Who knows? Oy. I just hope we figure something out in time for me to get things together in a properly reasonable fashion — i.e. be able to send out invitations the snail mail way, etc. — for whatever we decide, eventually, to do.

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